i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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