at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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