God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
