My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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