Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
