that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
