You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
