Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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