Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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