I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
