she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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