I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
