Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
