it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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