You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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