I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
