Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
