in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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