the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize