its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
