i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
