his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
