Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
