Jerry, you need to find god
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
