Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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