I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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