im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
