were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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