i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize