He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
