He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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