It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
