His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
