Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
