you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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