I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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