this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Less talking, more tequila
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
