i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
