Swine flu. Run for my life!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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