Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
