Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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