I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
