oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
