Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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