If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
