is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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