It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
