I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
