Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
