I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
