Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize