do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
