it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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