i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have already put on my inside pants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
