can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
