There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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