maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
