He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
