glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
