Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
