I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
