i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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