ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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