I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
