Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
