We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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